Monday, November 19, 2007

Buddhamas, Dharma Bells and Sangha Claus

'Tis the season to be inundated with mindless, faith-based drivel meant to make you so giddy that all you want to do is spend lots of money buying other people things they don't really need, eating food you never would otherwise, and putting aside any thought of spirituality or holiness in favour of egg nog and mistletoe?

Not this year! Yes friends, I've taken the liberty of rewriting Christmas for you. Welcome to the first annual Buddhamas Carol recital. Be sure NOT to sing along, as it would disturb the rest of the meditators. I've even included a rewrite of Hanukkah at the end, so no need to indulge in gambling this year - keep your gelt in your pocket (unless it's chocolate).

(To: Deck The Halls)

Fill the halls with meditators,
fa la la la la, la la la la.

'Tis season to be holy,
fa la la la la, la la la la.

Don we now our white apparel,
fa la la la la, la la la la.

Intone we now our Buddhist carol,
fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing mass of craving,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Break the chains, yourself you're saving,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Follow not in merry measure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

For you'll miss nibbana's treasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast indeed our whole life passes,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Take no new birth, don't be asses,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Sit we mindful, all together,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Bearing with all kinds of weather,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

(To: The First Noel)

The first discourse,
the Buddha did say,
give up the extremes,
follow the middle way.

In the forest they sat,
awake with the deer;
On that full moon night,
those five did hear:

No I, No I, No I, No I.
Born in Kondanna,
the dhamma eye.

They looked inside
and saw the truths,
Suffering, its cause and
the way out, forsooth.
And to this Earth,
They brought a great light,
And practiced the teaching,
both day and night.


And by the word
of that one sage,
Three score Wise men
came to hear his message;
To seek for the truth
was their intent,
And to follow the path
which to freedom went.


This path draws nigh,
to the very highest;
Only in nibbana,
it takes its rest.
And there it doth,
both pause and stay;
Right o'er the place,
where freedom doth lay.


Then entered in those
Wise men sixty,
To dhamma enlightened,
they went on their knees,
And ordained right there,
in His presence,
Donned robes and bowl,
and went they forth hence.


So let us all,
with one accord,
Sit mindful following
the omniscent Lord,
That hath found the path
of practice from nought,
And with his own wisdom
true freedom has sought.


(To: We Three Kings)

These three jewels of Orient are:
Buddha, His Dhamma and Sangha, a far
Field of merit, twenty-four karot;
Follow this guiding star.

O Star of wonders, star of might,
Star with real wisdom bright,
Upward leading, stillness breeding,
Guide us by thy Perfect Light

Born a King in Lumbini's park,
Gods and men he freed from the dark;
Peace forever, ceasing never,
Nibbana's bliss the mark.


Body and mind to offer have I,
That I may reach that dhamma so high;
Study and practice, all can have this -
Follow the teaching sublime.


Maara is gone, his bitter perfume
Breathing life for gathering gloom
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying
No more again to the womb.


Goodness now begins to arise,
Kindness and love and self-sacrifice
All is burning, all is burning,
This Earth on delusion relies.


(To: Away In a Manger)

Away in a forest,
No crib and no bed,
The ardent monk strives on,
Ne'er lays down his head.

The moon in the night sky,
Looks down where he sits,
The ardent monk strives on,
Not sleeping one bit.

No cattle for tending,
No babies to wake,
The ardent monk strives on,
No bondage he makes.

No love for a partner,
No need for a home,
He stays at a tree root,
'Til morning alone.

"Be mindful, o Bhikkhu!"
He was taught this way;
Nothing's forever,
There's no need to pray.

Let go your dear children,
Have thee no care,
And take thee to freedom,
as a bird to the air.

(To: O Come All Ye Faithful)

O Come All Ye Faithless,
Careful and Considering,
O come ye, O come ye to Buddhism.
Come and behold it,
Born the Wheel of Dhamma;

O come, let us practice,
O come, let us practice,
O come, let us practice,
Truth, the word.

O sit, men and angels,
Sit in introspection,
Sit and let us listen to Buddha's wise word.
Follow the teaching,
to that which is the highest;


All hear - some are ready,
Bloom that very morning.
O Dhamma! Some others never understand.
Word of the Teacher,
In all things appearing;


(To: Silent Night)

Silent night, holy night,
Mind is calm, heart is bright;
In rounds of rebirth, no more be a child,
Holy ar'hat so calm and so mild;
Wake up to nibbana's peace,
Wake up to nibbana's peace.

Silent night, holy night,
His heart awakes at the sight.
Goodness is seen from even afar,
Mara's hosts cry and fall apart.
Buddha, the Teacher is born,
Buddha, the Teacher is born.

Silent night, holy night,
Teacher of gods with wisdom's pure light
Radiate love from thy well-trained mind,
With the dawn your own freedom you find.
Buddha, the one who gave birth,
Buddha, the one who gave birth.

(To: Jingle Bells)

Dhamma halls, Dhamma halls,
Dhamma all the way
Oh what peace it is to sit, awake all night we stay.

Sitting in the snow,
awake all night we stay,
beyond the the world we go,
mindful all the way.


Halls of quiet peace,
Making our hearts bright,
Oh what bliss it is to sit and practice all the night.


(To: Santa Claus is Coming to Town)
you better watch out,
you better not cry,
you better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
cuz Buddha said you will go to hell...

In hell they don't give presents,
in hell they don't give gifts,
in hell they nail you to the floor
and they chop you into bits.

(To: We Wish You a Merry Christmas)

We wish you would all be Buddhist,
we wish you would all be Buddhist,
we wish you would all be Buddhist,
and give up your wrong views.

Good karma t'would be,
for you and your kin,
to folow the Buddha and his religion.

(To: Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel)

Almsbowl, almsbowl, almsbowl,
I made it out of clay,
And when it's dry and ready,
On almsfood I will stay.