How I came to be…
Every day was a struggle, from getting out of bed, going to school, going to work and everything else in between. I had no real understanding of life and the people who surrounded me; I simply existed in this complicated world. As a young adult with a form of Autism called Aspergers Syndrome I clung to people, to objects and my special interests (obsessions).
I had never previously thought about Buddhism and knew nothing about it up until a few weeks ago. I decided to ‘raid’ Google to see what I could find after seeing some pictures of monks somebody had taken while in the Far East. Google suggested a video on YouTube called ‘Introduction to Meditation: How to Meditate’. It hit me in the first few seconds, the simple words, ‘meditation for some people means simply a calming of the mind’. That sounded good to me, after years of being on medication to control symptoms of depression, emotions etc the side effects were getting too much, so I stopped all medication and was going alone so to speak.
After a couple of weeks I could see a difference, a small difference, but a difference none the less. I am recognising different emotions/feelings within myself which I had never thought about, and honestly, did not realise I even had. Possibly in the future I may be able to read people better - if I have a true understanding to what I feel, I can understand others better.
After a recent discussion I have realised that it is all about progression as an individual. Practising meditation twice a day, every day helps by catching the feelings/emotions when they first appear. I can experience the actual emotion without it being so caught up in other emotions that it is difficult to distinguish a difference between them, often leading to confusion.
Changes must happen within an individual first, and if you truly do not understand yourself then it leaves me wondering what the point is?