It occurs to me that there could be nothing quite so liberating as the realization that one is completely and utterly worthless. Apart from beating one’s ego to a senseless pulp, it would have the added, surprising benefit of freedom from guilt. If anyone then were to criticize anything you do, you could just shrug your shoulders and ask, “I wonder what they could hope to expect from such a worthless individual as myself.” Another surprising quality of true worthlessness is that it must necessarily NOT feel the least bit depressing, since worthless people are, by definition, incapable of aspiring to greater things.
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Yuttadhammo
I wonder if there is a middle way between "Only I am holy" and "I am worthless?" This middle way would let go of notions of self and value, and would simply require us to respond as fully as possible to whatever the moment presents. Perhaps?
Yes, but I have the problem of being completely and utterly worthless without realizing it. Thus, my ego is battered, but holding up rather well and in its healthier moments aids me in congering up greater things I can aspire to.
But mainly I'm depressed as hell since my efforts to rise above my current scraping-along-the-ground situation aren't paying off. I feel guilting because I cannot accomplish much for myself not contribute to society.
All I can think to do now is write Dear Abby, tell her what's up with me, and hope against hope she'll respond in her column with just the advise I need. But I doubt she'll read my letter, or open it. She might spit on it while it's still in her mailbox.
Yuttadhammo? Are you there? Did you read this far!?
@Barry – what a worthlessly holy proposal (I'm not sure what that means…)
@Tom – I hear you loud and clear. I'm with you on this one… useless but thinking myself useful. Oh, to be pricelessly worthless.
I think it just goes to show that meditation leads you knowwhere.