I have to apologize for writing posts and sending out mass emails that must have indicated some sort of unhappiness in my mind... thanks for the sympathy letters - even my students here kept asking me if I was holding up okay, and couldn't believe I was still at peace after the past week. Truth is I'm happy. Okay, I admit, the prospect of being shot at is not something I look forward to, but I say that with a grin... I think of the Buddha's words:
Susukha.m vata jiivaama, verinesu averino.
Verinesu manussesu, viharaama averino.
Well at ease, indeed we live, without vengeance amongst the vengeful.
Amongst a vengeful humankind, we dwell as ones without vengeance.
-- Dhp 197
Happiness amongst the unhappy. I realized that you cannot hurt an innocent person; so when I get hurt, I just pick myself up and keep going - I've done my share of deeds worth guilt, but to feel guilty about them helps me not. And to complain about unfair treatment is like blaming a horned rabbit for eating your plowshare (Jataka).